Ghosts
by homicidal-maniac-69
Summary: What if Emily was in love with a "dead" Alex but sleeping with a very much alive JJ? First chapter fic. rating is mostly because I'm paranoid. Fem-slash and a xover with SVU.
1. Chapter 1

If I get more than 5 reveiws on this story I will post the next chap that is waiting next to me

If I get more than 4 reviews on this story I will post the next chap that is waiting next to me. Just want to know that people want more.

The first time I fucked JJ I bit my lip as I came, to stop myself from screaming another's name. I didn't go down on her because I couldn't handle it if I tasted JJ and she tasted different to my fantasy. After I felt so dirty that I untangled my self from the blond and went to the shower. I shut my eyes and let the hot water spray over me, and thoughts of another blond filled my head. Why did I feel like I had betrayed her? I heard the shower door open and a small body pressed against my back, when I opened my eyes I saw the blond hair on my shoulder. Before I could stop my self I whispered the name of my ghost, my fantasy, my love. I whispered Alex.


	2. Chapter 2

JJ knew she shouldn't be snooping

JJ knew she shouldn't be snooping. She knew this but that didn't stop her from looking in Emily's desk draw, her bedside table, the box of photos under her bed, anywhere, to find some clue to the identity of the mystery Alex. JJ had walked into the shower while Emily was there, hoping for a little love before work and instead Emily had said the name of another. JJ had immediately left the bathroom, but it was only as she found Emily's jewellery box that the shower was shut off. It was in that box that JJ found what she was looking for, it was a simple locket with "All my love, Alex" engraved on the back. JJ pried it open and a younger Emily smiled back at her, in the other half was a photo of a woman JJ didn't know. She was beautiful, JJ decided, she was the kind of woman people would go to war to possess. Then it hit JJ, the blonde hair, the blue eyes, this was Alex, this was the woman Emily wanted, Emily didn't want JJ. JJ quickly collected her clothes and had just finished dressing when she heard the hair dryer stop. JJ had to get out of the apartment, Emily's apartment, before she could brake down.

Emily walked into her bedroom, with her thoughts in a kind of order and some sought of explanation for JJ, when she saw her beloved necklace on the bed and heard the door slam.

"No, JJ, Wait!" Emily yelled, even if she did know it was pointless. She collapsed onto her bed and picked up the necklace, still warm from JJ's hands; looking down at Alex she wondered how long this ghost would haunt her for.


	3. Chapter 3

Emily walked into JJ's office and, upon seeing the blond was there, she sat down on the other side of JJ's desk

A/N a huge thank you to sofia-lindsay for beta reading this chapter.

Emily walked into JJ's office and, upon seeing the blond was there, she sat down on the other side of JJ's desk. JJ had been avoiding her for a week but they were going to talk, today.

"Emily, Hi, can I help you with something?"

"We need to talk" The four words every woman dreaded to hear. JJ tried to prevent the inevitable, as she had been for a week.

"I'm sorry but I'm swamped here. Maybe another time?"

"No Jennifer, we need to talk now."

Maybe it was the use of her real name, but JJ dropped her pen and looked up.

"I don't see that there is much to talk about, so why don't you just go back to your Alex?" as soon as the words left her mouth JJ regretted them. The look of hurt, sadness and anger in Emily's eyes made her want to hold the older woman close and not let go.

"Don't make comment like that when you do not understand the **circumstances**." Honestly Emily didn't mean for to sound so cold, but how could JJ assume she understood?

"I understand enough! You said her name! **Y**ou thought I was her! Did you sleep with me because I have blonde hair and blue eyes and look a little bit like this Alex!?"

JJ couldn't stop the **tears** from pricking behind her eyes. The idea that Emily had used her like this was too much. How could it be possible that the woman she loved with all her heart didn't love her back?

"Well if you hadn't of gone through my things…" Emily's rant was cut short when she saw the tears running down JJ's cheek. Reaching out she gently wiped it away.

"I am sorry JJ, I never saw you as a replacement, and I definitely didn't mean to make you cry."

"I shouldn't have gone through your belongings; I was hurting and I just wanted to know who Alex is."

"It's alright Jennifer" a few seconds passed with neither woman speaking or moving until JJ finally asked the question they were both asking themselves.

"Emily, was the other night a one time thing? Are you with Alex?"

"No, I am not with Alex, and I don't if it was a one time thing or if it should be repeated."

"You told me not to make comments when I didn't understand; will you help me understand Emily?"

"Jayj, it might be better if you didn't know.."

"No, Emily, I think I have a right to know"

JJ was right, of **course**, and Emily knew it. There was no way that Emily could not tell the story of Alex, but maybe if she kept it quick, and stuck to the facts, maybe she wouldn't **break** down. Maybe. Taking JJ's hand she led her over to the couch **and after** they both sat, Emily let out a deep breath and started to talk.

"Alex and I meet about seven years ago, at one of my mothers cocktail parties. She was beautiful, everyone in the room was watching her, and we started talking and made a date for the next day. She was an ADA in New York; she prosecuted the cases for SVU, sex crimes. She was so passionate about it**;** she wanted to see justice done for every victim. Even after working there for almost four years she still believed it was possible. We moved in together after a year. I loved her, **and **she was the first woman, first person, who loved me just for me. We had been living together for two years when I brought a diamond ring, I was planing on taking her out, making it so romantic, but when she got home from work I could see she was stressed so I didn't. I later found out that that was the day she found out about the Zapata case. It was a dangerous one**;** police against drug lords. The next day I got a call from one of the detectives working the case with her. There was a threat made against Alex, and a car bomb went off, killing an FBI agent."

Emily wasn't sure how to finish, and the tears were pricking at her eyes. JJ seemed to know that if she spoke then Emily might not be able to finish, so instead she tried to let everything sink in. She vaguely remembered the FBI agent who was killed, yet what stuck her most about Emily's little speech is that she said that Alex was the only one who ever loved Emily for just for herself. That broke JJ's heart. She, too, wanted to give Emily that kind of love.

Emily finally worked up the nerve to continue, but her voice was shaking, and her brown eyes where filled with tears.

"She told me that she would get off the case, but it was too late. A few days later she was shot in a drive by. They never did find the shooter. Her body was so badly mangled that we couldn't even have an open casket." At this**, **Emily finally let the tears go. JJ was stunned by the story, and Emily's openness, quickly she grabbed hold of the older woman and pulled her in for a tight hug. This way she could comfort Emily, and if she got to be close to the other woman as a result, then where was the harm?


	4. Chapter 4

A/N Sorry this part took me so long, and I'm still not happy with it, so I get to change it if I want to later

_A/N Sorry this part took me so long, and I'm still not happy with it, so I get to change it if I want to later._

_Mature readers please. And I don't own any of these lovely ladies, but if Emily or Paget is gay, I get dibs._

_All feedback is loved._

They stayed like that for a while. Emily being held by JJ, taking comfort from her presence, and JJ offering comfort while just enjoying being close to the older woman. It was only about fifteen minutes until Emily pulled away, but to JJ it seemed like an eternity and yet was still over too soon. As soon as Emily was no longer in her arms, JJ was terrified. Was Emily still in love with a ghost? Did JJ even have a chance? JJ looked down, blinking hard so that Emily wouldn't notice her tears.

Emily was about to thank JJ for being there, and apologize. End things with JJ before they could go too far. Emily had been with woman after Alex but none had lasted long, and Emily had broken too many hearts along the way. She was not going to let JJ's heart be the next one. Then she saw the unshed tears building up in JJ's eyes and knew it was too late. Emily could end this right now and she still would have hurt JJ deeply.

Emily looked into JJ's eyes and immediately saw the love in them. Emily did the only thing she could; she pulled Jennifer in for a tight hug.

Felling Emily's arms around her JJ knew she was wrong. Emily must love her too. She must care for JJ, mustn't want to see her hurting. Emily calling her Alex must have just been a slip of the tongue.

Emily's mind was racing. JJ wasn't like any other women she had been with in a while. For starters she would still have to see Jenifer every day, but more importantly she didn't want to hurt JJ in anyway. Maybe she didn't love JJ yet, but she did care for her and JJ loved her that was a start.

Looking down Emily saw JJ looking at her, trying to work out what she was thinking. Emily wasn't quiet sure why she pressed her lips to Jennifer's, but as soon as she felt JJ kiss her back she knew she had done the right thing. It was that kiss, a kiss with the uncertainty of a teenage first that said everything they needed to say

"I love you"

"I know, I think I might love you too"


	5. Part 5

Emily woke slowly, the body next to her keeping her pleasantly warm

Emily woke slowly, the body next to her keeping her pleasantly warm. Opening her eyes Emily saw the blonde hair on her shoulder, and rather than going to Alex her mind already knew it was JJ's.

For the last two months it had become common for JJ to be next to her when she woke, but it is only recently that Emily stoped thinking of Alex when she touched the younger woman, when she woke or when she fell asleep. Now Emily would kiss the blonde and her mind would be on JJ. She would look at Jennifer and see her, not a ghost, and she was falling hard for the woman she saw.

JJ knew that a part of Emily still cared for Alex very deeply, but now it was different, JJ would look into Emily's eyes and see the unbridled passion, and sometimes she would catch Emily just staring at her, looking at her like she had never seen anything like her. It would make JJ blush, the idea that a woman like Emily had never seen someone like JJ was foolish, and egotistical, or that's what JJ told herself, but a part of her held out hope.

Emily couldn't help the small smile that appeared when she thought of the night before, she had taken JJ out to a beautiful Indian restaurant, and they had laughed as they ate with their hands, like Emily remembered doing when she was a child.

That night they went to JJ's apartment for the first time. It was beautiful, smaller than Emily's place, with an oven that had actually seen use and cushions on the couch. Homely was the only word that could really describe it. That night they made love, as as they both lay, exhausted, their bodies entwined Emily said four words. Four words that Emily knew would change their relationship; Emily could only hope it was for the better. Emily said "I love you Jennifer"


	6. part 6

You think the dead we love ever truly leave us

You think the dead we love ever truly leave us?- Albus Dumbledore

Those four words were exactly what JJ wanted to hear. Having Emily say she loved her, who wouldn't dream of that? In Jenifer's eyes Emily was perfect. Everything she had ever hoped for in a partner, and now, finally, it looked like Emily felt the same way.

Whispering an "I love you too" and snuggling back into Emily's side JJ couldn't help but think that all of a sudden her life was looking wonderful.

One week later

It had been a bad case. The sick son of a bitch they were hoping to find turned out to be a man who was very ill. Emily found herself pitying him until she thought back to the people he had killed. For some reason it is easier when the unsub is a bad guy, at least then you know your doing the right thing. With a case like this, there is no right thing.

Looking over at JJ it was clear that the case had taken its toll on the blonde too. She might look like she was sleeping but Emily knew her too well. JJ was pretending to sleep so that she wouldn't have to talk about it. Emily couldn't take her eyes away from JJ; she decided that she would go to the younger woman's apartment later, get her to talk. To be honest Emily would have gone to JJ's apartment anyway. She was starting to hate being away from the blond and wanted to spend as much time as possible in her arms. Maybe Emily would even talk about what's bothering her.

So much can change in such a short time, Emily had stoped longing for Alex's arms after a case, and found JJ's. She doesn't drink anymore, doesn't see the need, as long as JJ is around she doesn't need the alcohol to feel intoxicated. Emily would say she felt high on life, but it's too much of a cliché. The soft lines of JJ's face and the way her hair feel over her face a little might remind Emily of another woman from days many years ago, but Emily was sure that she was no longer going to let that stop her from loving only JJ.

Emily continued to ponder as the plane landed and JJ was jerked out of her "sleep" she looked so tired that Emily's chivalrous steak came out. Taking her lovers ready-bag she rested her hand on JJ's back and they walked into the bullpen together. JJ noticed the blonde at Emily's desk first. She was tall, blonde slim, Very attractive, and strangely familiar. She looked nervous; like she wasn't sure she should be there. When Emily noticed her she came to a halt, she would know that woman anywhere.

JJ felt her heart shatter when she realized who it was, and the only thing she could think of was to leave, she really didn't want to watch the reunion. Emily felt JJ go, but her attention was solely on the other woman. She was scared to even say her name, scared that if she did she would wake up and this would be a dream.

Thankfully the woman broke the silence first

"Hello Emily"

Breathlessly Emily managed to get out the one word that had haunted her for so long

"Alex"


	7. Part 7

Emily slowly moved towards the blonde, still scared that if she moved too fast the ghost would disappear like in all those dreams

Emily slowly moved towards the blonde, still scared that if she moved too fast the ghost would disappear like in all those dreams. She opened her mouth to ask how it was possible, how Alex could be standing in front of her, and why now, when Emily was starting to love again? But Emily couldn't voice all of this so she said just one word.

"How?"

"I was in witness protection; they took me, I… I couldn't tell you. I am so sorry Em, they thought you were in danger… I'm so sorry."

Alex knew she was babbling, so she shut her mouth. Emily always seemed to know what Alex meant without her saying a word, however at the moment Emily was just looking at her blankly, like she couldn't believe what was happening. When she saw the tears in the brown eyes she started to well up too. So she sought for refuge in the one place she knew was always safe, she threw herself into Emily's arms.

Wrapping her arms around the blonde Emily was struck by how easy it was, Alex still fit perfectly in Emily's arms. Running her fingers threw the soft hair and whispering words of comfort Emily's thoughts went to one thing. What would she do about Jennifer?

JJ quickly shut the door of her office and collapsed into a chair. Emily was out there with Alex. Alex, the woman she loved and was tragically ripped away. Alex, who Emily was still not over. JJ knew that their relationship was too young to cope with this, it was all too soon. Alex was meant to be dead anyway. JJ loved Emily, but she knew she couldn't compete with this beautiful, intelligent, sophisticated woman. Putting her face in her hands JJ let the tears go and her whole body shook with sobs.

A knock on the door brought JJ back down to earth.

"Jayj? Who's that wo…. Jayj? What's wrong?"

Garcia. Her closest friend, and the only person who knew about her and Emily. When JJ looked up Garcia could see the red eyes and the streaked mascara. Some women can cry and look beautiful, JJ isn't one of them. Rushing over Garcia pulled the smaller woman in for a hug.

"Hey sweetie, what's wrong?"

JJ sobbed and let Garcia hold her.

"Its Emily, she is out there. Alex is back. Ill lose her.."

The sobs were too much and JJ stoped talking, cuddling closer to Garcia. Garcia was having a bit of a hard time decoding JJ's answer, but suddenly it hit her like a ton of bricks. Alex was Emily's dead lover, (although no one had told Garcia if it was a Alexander or an Alexandra), but that didn't make sense, dead people don't just appear.

"Jayj, honey? What do you mean? Alex cant be here, she's dead…"

"She's here! She was at Emily's desk! I don't know how!" JJ was clearly very close to hysterics.

"Alright baby girl, it's alright"

Garcia say there, her friend in her arms, trying to give as much support as possible and knowing that Emily was the only one who could give JJ any real comfort.


	8. Chapter 8

Alex moved away from Emily when she became acutely aware of the FBI agents watching them

Alex moved away from Emily when she became acutely aware of the FBI agents watching them. Looking into Emily's brown eyes her fears sprung back to the surface. Was there still a place for her in Emily's life? By trying to save both their lives did she ruin her chance for true love?

"Is there somewhere we can talk?"

Alex's voice wasn't as loud or strong as she would like, but Emily nodded and put her hand on the small of Alex's back and led her to the conference room.

JJ looked out of her office just in time to see Emily and Alex walking to the conference room. She couldn't stay like this; she had to know if Emily was going back to JJ. She would talk to them together, like adults, that couldn't be too hard? Maybe Alex was pretty much perfect, but Emily told JJ that she loved her, that had to mean something. Untangling herself from Garcia she walked off into the conference room.

Emily knew that she couldn't end things with JJ just because Alex walked back in to her life, but even the simple act of touching Alex made her realise that she still felt too much for the blonde. She looked like a princess, wearing casual clothes that were clearly expensive, with her hair flowing feely down her back. She had perfect posture, caring herself with elegance, confidence, grace and even a little arrogance, but Emily could see threw that. It was just a mask, one that Emily had worn herself, it came from childhoods of dinner parties and soirée's. Emily could see that under the mask the self confidence was gone, but years in WITSEC would do that to anyone. Reaching out with a shaking hand she slowly stroked Alex's face, tracing the once familiar features. Alex leant into the touch, wanting to feel safe again. Then Alex looked up and saw that the brunette was standing a little to close, all of a sudden it was hard to breath. Emily moved in slowly, and when there lips came together it was soft and sweet, like a teenage first. There was no rush; they had all the time they needed.

JJ couldn't believe what she was seeing. Emily was cheating on her? Couldn't she of waited until they talked? Tears were streaming down her face as she watched the two women pull away from each other.


	9. Chapter 9

_A Chinese proverb warns us: - Kissing is like drinking saltwater: you drink and your thirst increases. _

As the need for oxygen became too great Emily slowly moved away from Alex. Alex missed Emily's lips almost as soon as they where gone, slowly she opened her eyes and out of the corner of one she noticed the blond woman Emily was walked in with. Tears were in the woman's eyes, and her jaw was dropped in shock.

Emily noticed that Alex was looking elsewhere and when she followed her gaze she let out a string of curses in her head. She didn't mean to kiss Alex, and she definitely didn't mean for JJ to see. Seeing the tears in JJ's eyes was more than Emily could bare.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt"

The professional way that JJ said that broke the pieces of Emily's heart once again. JJ didn't sound angry, or betrayed, she sounded resigned, like she was expecting it all along.

"No! Jennifer, wait!" Emily reached out and grabbed JJ's wrist. All three of them had to have a talk. That meant that Emily would have to tell Alex who JJ was, and she had no idea how to do that.

"Alex, this is, JJ, uh, Jennifer Jareau, she's my... My... Well she was my... Lover." Emily had no idea if JJ would still be her lover after what she had seen. She wasn't sure she still wanted JJ as her lover.

JJ's heart shattered when Emily said she _was_ her lover. So that was it, Alex came back and JJ lost her chance.

Alex wasn't blind, she could see the pain on both woman's face. She couldn't let Emily do this. She didn't have the right to come back here and expect everything to be the same, and Alex would give up anything to make Emily happy.

"Was? Or is?"

The look on both the women's faces was enough. The answer was very clear.

"In that case, it is I who is interrupting. I apologize. Emily, I hope our friendship will continue. Ms Jareau, you should know, I kissed Emily, and you should not blame her for my actions."

Those words were almost to hard to say, but years of keeping her emotions in check meant that Alex's words came out smoothly, and there was no outward sign of her braking heart. She needed to be alone before she showed those kinds of emotions.

Emily did not try and stop Alex. She knew better than to try and fight with her, and she owed JJ more than that anyway.

"Do you still love her?"

JJ's words took her by surprise. Turing around to look at the blonde she realised that JJ wasn't accusing, she just needed to know.

"Some part of me will always love Alex."

"What about me?"


	10. Chapter 10

A/N I am so sorry that I have taken so very long to update. Life has gotten in the way, but rest assured I have not forgotten about this story. Here is the chapter 10, chapter 11 should be on its way soon. Enjoy.

Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies. Ralph Waldo Emerson

"JJ, this past few months have shown me just how much I feel for you, and that won't change over night."

"Emily, i won't be second choice, I... I love you... and i need to know that you love me as well."

"I do Jennifer, I do"

"Then where does Alex fit in?"

Emily sighed, knowing that this was the question she was dreading, some part of her loved Alex deeply, maybe even more than she loved JJ, she wasn't sure. Then she saw the tears running down JJ's cheeks, and the hurt in her eyes, and knew that she had taken too long to answer. She also knew that she couldn't hurt JJ, she just couldn't bring herself to cause JJ any pain. Plus, she still wasn't sure what she wanted to do, so there really was no point in telling JJ about her doubts. That was her reasoning anyway.

"Jayj, Alex is just a friend, you are my love"

JJ breathed out in relief. Maybe in her heart she didn't believe Emily, but for now the lie was so much easier to believe. All of a sudden she was in Emily's arms, held against her body, and knowing that it would all be ok. Emily loved her, she told her so, what else did she need?

Tilting her face up to Emily, she kissed her gently, her hands tangling in the brown hair. She wouldn't admit it, not even to herself, but she wanted to forget, she wanted Emily to make her forget. So there, on the conference room table, they both forgot about everything other than each other, and JJ pretended not to notice when Emily bit her lip, and Emily tried not to imagine that it was another blonde between her thighs.


	11. Chapter 11

Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.

JJ was not a stupid woman, naive sometimes, but not stupid. She didn't believe for a second that Emily had spent three hours at lunch with her father, nor did she believe that the simple silver bracelet was for her sister.

Emily hated lying to JJ. Of cause it didn't start off as lying, just not telling JJ that she was visiting Alex. Now, though, it was lying. Emily was making up every excuse in order to get the chance to spend some time with Alex. It wasn't an affair, well that's what Emily told herself anyway, the closest they had ever got to physical was a kiss on the cheek, or a tight hug. That's not cheating, or that's what Emily tried desperately to believe.

Will LaMontagne's phone call came while JJ was sitting on the couch, watching meaningless TV, trying not to think about where Emily was, or what she was doing. The detective's attention flattered her, and when he said he was in town JJ couldn't resist the opportunity to have a good looking person showering her with attention and complements.

Alex hated this, she hated being the proverbial other woman. She loathed how Emily would pull away from any gentle touch, guilt clear in those dark eyes. More than anything Alex hated that the same loyalty that made Emily stay with JJ was one of the things that had attracted her to the brunette to start with.

JJ had no idea where she was, who was next to her, or where her clothes were. Suddenly it came rushing back, Will, dinner, flattering, laughing, feeling like the only woman on the earth, the fine wine, and the invite to the detectives hotel room.


End file.
